this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize