Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
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Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
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They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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