There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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