I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize