were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
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I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
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A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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