just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize