Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have post one night stand depression
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