the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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