the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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