That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
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Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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