We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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