Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize