I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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