i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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