I accidentally burped into my bong.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
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Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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