How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm passing your future prison.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize