This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
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Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
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I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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