plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
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My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
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That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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