I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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