In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize