my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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