I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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