you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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