I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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