Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My penis needs a shock collar
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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