Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize