god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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