All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i came on her dog
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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