Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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