Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize