just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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