I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
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