i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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