do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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