WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
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if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
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