are you still at the devil's house?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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