I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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