I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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