i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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