also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize