How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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