I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
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you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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