I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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