I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
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There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
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Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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