I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
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surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
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It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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