My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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