When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize