that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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