Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize