took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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